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Grumpy Auld Bastards > TODAY!........ I think I'm going to........ > Slabber!
badbart
I know, I know...entertaining online personalities are a dime a dozen. So why bother getting involved with another one?

Maybe because this guy's online ranting might be worth your time. First of all, Chez Pazienza is a real guy, not some imaginary persona playing the online asshat (see Maddox or, more locally, Matt). He's also seen a few things in his years as a bit player in the wonderful world of TV production that give his stories some weight - he even confirmed something that I've long suspected: the talking heads of network news are really idiots.

QUOTE
I assumed as many in the audience do -- that those coming into my living room each day and night and relaying to me the important events of the day were, at least to some extent, larger than life. Although never deluded enough to believe that all news anchors and reporters -- or the producers and managers working behind them -- were two or three IQ points away from Mensa, I figured that they had to at least be somewhat smarter than the average bear. I mean, their job was to deliver the news. Spend every day of your life standing next to the ceaseless river of information and you had to get a little wet, right? A contact high maybe? Hell, even Alex Trebek is considered a pseudo-intellectual and he's got the goddamned answers written down in front of him.

This was "The Dream."

"The Dream" was shattered in the time it took for a pretty female anchor at a highly-rated local news station to pick up a book from someone's desk, examine it, and utter these words with a completely straight face: "Penguin puts out an atlas? That's so cool. I had no idea there were penguins all over the world."

That anchor by the way can now be seen by every person -- and penguin -- in the world. She's the host of a popular entertainment show.

Jessica Simpson is the host of a popular entertainment show?

But it's not just the talking heads that are morons.
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The EP [Executive Producer] was Stu Charles, a generally harmless doofus whose main claim to fame around the newsroom was his seemingly endless childlike awe at the very existence of nature. If it involved a campfire or a single stormcloud, Stu would first watch the remote feed as it came in -- his eyes wide with disbelief; his mouth hanging open -- then demand that we run with it as if we'd just uncovered the identity of Deep Throat. The first primitive men that crawled out of the caves didn't react to fire and rain with the kind of unbridled astonishment that Stu did. I assumed by the way that this was a trait specific to him. I later found out that most local TV managers think this way, which is why wherever you live, the slightest hint of rain is often blown out of proportion until every station on the dial is warning you of the impending threat of "Hurricane Genghis." In contrast, my thought has always been that unless there's actual danger involved, any event that's been occurring consistently since the dawn of time kind of forfeits its right to legitimately be called Breaking News.

Okay, let's be fair. Most people are, in fact, idiots - not just people invoved with TV. But these people are generally credited with having intelligence for no justifiable reason because of the medium they work in. People are lemmings and will believe just about anything.

Chez's ex-employer, CNN, may represent the views of the politically left (if you believe the mouthpieces of the politically right), but their management tactics are far from "utopian," as can be seen by their firing of this dude.
QUOTE
I said that they can't possibly expect CNN employees, en masse, to not engage in something as popular and timely as blogging if they don't make themselves perfectly clear.

My HR rep's response: "Well, as far as we know, you're the only CNN employee who's blogging under his own name."

It took self-control I didn't know I had to keep from laughing, considering that I could name five people off the top of my head who blogged without hiding their identities.

Uh-huh, as far as you know.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chez-pazienz...ie_b_87282.html?


He's an admitted liberal, but I still think he's worth reading. I like this statement: "the job of the press is to maintain an adversarial relationship with the government at all times." True words and an admirable sentiment, though unlikely to occur in reality.
QUOTE
Awhile back I was watching a great documentary on the birth of the punk scene, it closed with former Black Flag frontman and current TV host Henry Rollins saying these words: "All it takes is one person to stand up and say 'fuck this.'"

Oh, you idealistic lefties. Left or right - it's all the same ultimately. Special interests and giant corporations control everything. Money = power.


Some of his rants are pretty funny. And though he is a bit of a whacko, he does have some good points.
QUOTE
I don't envy parents of young girls right now. I would probably consider going the Disney-approved-lemming route if it meant that I could avoid having to indulge a screaming 'tween desperate to lick the sweat from Miley Cyrus's ass crack. The High School Musical craze was utterly surreal to me; this Hannah Montana shit is just flat-out baffling. I'd like to think that the pre-teen worship of the young Miss Cyrus is at least amusing to most parents, who unlike their kids remember a time when her father Billy Ray was the most ridiculous man in America. Of course that's assuming that most middle-American moms these days would be unwilling to admit to their complicity in the God-awful "Achey-Breaky" craze -- the one which held this country hostage for what seemed like an eternity during the early 90s.

Now, proving that Billy Ray Cyrus's sperm would indeed mutate exactly as many had feared, his daughter has taken her rightful place as the new Gozer the Gozerian of popular culture.

Look, I'm the first one to agree that the mitigating factor of a phenomenon like Hannah Montana is that, for most young girls, it likely represents the final relatively harmless stop on the pop culture line before MTV gets its hooks into them and graduates them to full-blown sluthood with noxious crap like The Hills. But even MTV -- which is owned by Viacom -- is either unable or unwilling to make use of the kind of full-spectrum corporate synergy that Disney brings to bear when it comes to marketing pabulum like Hannah Montana and High School Musical to America's kids. The onslaught from film, broadcast television, cable TV, DVD, publishing and music outlets is simply unavoidable. A child has almost no choice but to hop on the bandwagon.
http://www.deusexmalcontent.com/2007/11/mo...-ber-alles.html

And speaking of lemmings, the post that the above quote originated in also tells of some dark deeds Disney may (or may not) have engaged in with some hewpwess, wittle wemmings. Don't worry, electrical tape and Walt's asshole were not invovled.


Can you tell that I have too much time on my hands at work? Can you?
Pitchit
QUOTE (badbart @ Mar 10 2008, 12:46 PM) *
Can you tell that I have too much time on my hands at work? Can you?

Yes.

I will, however, check out this guys blog.
doughnutfairy
I read "Eliot Mess" and now I can't stop. His social commentary is spot-on and entertaining to boot.

On American Idol's Irish contestant (I thought Ted might get a chuckle from this):

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There's already an Australian Idol competition and I'm sure there's an Irish Idol that involves a bunch of guys trying to see who can drink the most Guinness and still stand up after taking a barstool to the side of the head.


And my favorite so far:

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I believe that America is overmedicated and that all you have to do is turn on the TV to grasp this. Pharmaceutical companies create phony diseases for which they then offer unnecessary cures.

F.S.A.D. (Female Sexual Arousal Disorder) is not a disease, nor does it become one just because you've slapped the word "disorder" in its name. If you suffer from this, you don't deserve to be given the protection of the Americans with Disabilities Act or be mentioned in the same breath with real diseases -- you should be called what you have been since the dawn of time: frigid.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome? Stomach-ache.

Acid Reflux Disease? Heartburn.

Restless Legs Syndrome? Oh fucking come on.

I also believe that American pharmaceutical companies delight in drugging the hell out of kids, which is ironic because I firmly believe that kids shouldn't take drugs because they haven't earned them.

Get a mortgage, a job you can't stand and an ex-wife who hates you; then you can do drugs.
badbart
Good ol' Chez is up to his old tricks. His target this time: the more-cronelike-with-each-passing-day, Sarah Jessica Parker.
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For the extraordinarily obtuse, allow me to rephrase: An interview with Sarah Jessica Parker appears in a London fashion magazine. If you haven't been to the grocery store lately, you've also missed Parker's airbrushed face peering across the conveyor at you from the covers of Vogue and Cosmo. Add to that the fact that the Sex & The City movie and all the accompanying publicity will soon be dropped onto America's doorstep like dogshit in a flaming paper bag, and you realize that Maxim magazine's juvenile decree hasn't hurt Parker's career one bit. Even if you think she's monstrously repulsive, she's the most successful monstrously repulsive woman on the planet -- dragging her big bag of money from her home under a bridge right to the bank.

He called her a troll...without even saying the word "troll". Har!
doughnutfairy
She really does have an unfortunate look about her.
Mike
QUOTE (doughnutfairy @ Mar 24 2008, 06:25 PM) *
She really does have an unfortunate look about her.

I think at times she can look ok. But there are those other times when she could wear enough makeup to choke a moose and it still wouldn't help.
badbart
His latest rant is pretty good.
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I hate reality TV to begin with, but seriously -- is there anything more brutally, painfully, hideously, jaw-droppingly, stomach-turningly fucking insipid than America's Next Top Model? From a cultural standpoint, can anything shame this already-suffering country in a more grotesque and egregious manner than a TV show that features a bunch of really vapid girls encouraging the pathetic advances of a washed-up bikini and lingerie model desperate to be within 100 yards of anyone willing to kiss her ass and remind her that she used to be young and relevant, then enduring the scrutiny of a panel packed with every possible brand of gay stereotype -- from the preening fashion-fag to the clownish drag queen to the arrogant metrosexual -- all so that they can get a crack at a career that'll require them to do nothing but look pretty and bored and walk in a straight fucking line?

It's like he's pulling the thoughts right out of my head...
doughnutfairy
I thought he was taking a break from blogging?
badbart
QUOTE (doughnutfairy @ Apr 22 2008, 01:39 AM) *
I thought he was taking a break from blogging?

I guess he's back now that his book is done.
badbart
He's sometimes funny, quite often interesting (even if his opinions are a little further to the left than mine), and now...it turns out he's also a good father. Who knew?

In a post from this past weekend, he explains why his 16 year-old daughter hasn't been mentioned much in his posts and it's an incredibly touching post.
QUOTE
But while I tried to keep her out of the "public eye" -- and please take that with the grain of salt with which it's being given -- I might have also inadvertently made it seem as if she wasn't worthy of mention. And let me tell you -- nothing could be further from the truth.

"The truth" is that Madison is quite possibly the smartest, savviest, coolest, most indescribably beautiful young woman I've ever known. To be able to call her my daughter -- to know that I somehow had a role in creating her -- humbles me beyond deepest humility. It leaves me groveling at how utterly undeserving I am to have been blessed -- yes, I'll use that word -- with such an incredible child. I won't go into detail about my relationship with my now 16-year-old daughter -- one that's had its ups and downs, its familiarity and its distance; one which has grown in strength considerably as of late -- but I will say that of the things I'm most proud of in this world, nothing even comes close to how honored I feel to be able to call myself Madison's father.

I love her so very much.

Happy Birthday, Maddi.

I could probably hang out with guy with only minor discomfort.
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